


Let It Burn 'Cause I Can't Let Go

by rainingroses05



Series: Philkas Week 2017 [6]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: College, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Motocross, Philkas Week, Romance, hug me, missing each other, writing this made me kinda sad tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-09-15 17:22:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9247835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainingroses05/pseuds/rainingroses05
Summary: "Lukas looks down and smiles again, and Philip misses him so much his chest aches."Or,Long distance relationships suck.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Philkas Week- Day Six- Long Distance.  
> Title from "Beautiful (It Hurts)" by Project 46.

            It’s dark inside and outside, the only light in the room coming from Philip’s laptop and a small lamp. The rain is coming down hard, splashing down through the tree by the window.

            Philip taps his pencil restlessly against his desk as he waits for Lukas to pick up. Finally, the computer dings, and Lukas’ face appears on the screen.

            “Hey,” Lukas says, smiling. He’s sitting in bed in a hotel room with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

            “Hey.” Philip stares at Lukas for a moment, trying to take in every bit of him all at once. “So, tomorrow’s the big day, huh?”

            Lukas grins. “Yeah. Dude, it’s going to be _so_ great. I’ve been practicing, like, all day every day.”

            Philip twirls the pencil around in his fingers. “You know how proud I am of you, right?”

            Lukas looks down and smiles again, and Philip misses him _so much_ his chest aches. “Hey, don’t be proud yet. Be proud tomorrow when I win the biggest race of the year.”

            “Too late,” Philip teases.

            Now is the moment when Lukas would hit him with a pillow or tickle him or something, but he can’t, obviously, and the “long-distance” part of their relationship hits him for the millionth time in the day.

            “You okay?” Lukas can apparently see all of this on his face despite the constantly decreasing video quality, which is impressive. Or maybe he knows because he’s feeling the same way.

            “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” Philip takes a deep breath and tilts his head back, staring at the ceiling and waiting for his eyes to stop watering.

            Lukas clearly doesn’t believe him, the concerned frown not leaving his face, but he doesn’t press it. “How’s everything, anyways?”

            “Fine, I guess.”

            “Wow, thanks, it’s like I’m there,” Lukas says sarcastically. He rolls his eyes. “Come on, just tell me about your day or something.”

            “It was boring,” Philip says flatly. He flicks at the edge of his desk with his pencil until it slips out of his hand and falls under the chair.

            “I don’t care. Please.” Lukas leans back against his pillows, pulling his blanket up to his chin, and he’s sort of way too cute for Philip to say no.

            “Ok. Uh… I had classes almost all day, and then I went to that little café I told you about.”

            “The one with the best hot chocolate that you’ve ever tasted?”

            Philip smiles. “Yeah, that one. You’d like it.”                                                                        

            “Will you take me there sometime? When I come to visit?” Lukas asks softly.

            “Yeah. Of course.”  

            There are a few strands of hair hanging over Lukas’ face, and Philip wants so badly to be able to reach out and brush them behind his ear.

            “You make any friends yet?” Lukas asks. He runs his hand through his hair and still manages to leave the same piece hovering above his eye.

            “Yeah, I guess. I sort of hung out with someone in one of my classes.”

            Lukas fidgets slightly, looking away. “Yeah? What’s his name?”

            “Oh, wow, jealous already? Calm down, _she_ knows I have a boyfriend.” Philip smirks. “And, of course, I only have eyes for you.”

            “You’re so sappy.”

            “Come on, I _see_ you blushing. Anyways, if anyone should be worried, it’s _me_. You spend all your time with a bunch of cute boys who ride motorcycles,” Philip teases.

            “Shut up,” Lukas says, smiling. He yawns and rubs his eyes with the back of his hand.

            “You should go to bed. It’s late. You have a big race tomorrow.”

            Lukas shrugs. “I won’t be able to sleep.”

            Philip shivers in his cold room. “Being on the phone isn’t going to help.”

            Lukas ignores him. “Why are you so cold? Are you sick?”

            “I’m always cold,” Philip says, rolling his eyes.

            Lukas nods. He snuggles further into the blanket, rolling onto his side and placing his computer in front of him. “’s warm here,” he says sleepily. “I wish you were here.”

            “Me, too.”

            “Will you stay?” Lukas mumbles.

            “What?”

            “I mean… stay on the phone… until I fall asleep.”

            Philip smiles slightly. “Of course. Turn off your light.”

            Lukas obediently sits up and reaches over to turn off the lamp. A second later the room is so dark Philip can barely see him. Lukas lies back down. “Don’t hang up until I fall asleep.”

            “Okay.” Philip rests his elbow on his desk and leans his head onto his hand.

            “Promise?”

            “Promise.” He wonders if Lukas can hear the rain.

            Lukas closes his eyes, and Philip listens as his breathing slows.

            Philip tucks his knees up to his chest in his uncomfortable chair and listens to the rain and Lukas’ breathing and thinks about how much he misses him. He misses taking pictures of him and videotaping him riding his dirt bike and cuddling in the barn and he misses his smile and his laugh and how warm his hands are when they hold hands on the couch.

            Philip waits until he’s absolutely sure Lukas is asleep.

            Then he waits until he’s confident that Lukas isn’t going to have a nightmare.

            “I love you,” Philip whispers. Then he hangs up.

           


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One or two of you wanted another chapter, and I actually really wanted to write one, sooo here you go! I hope you like it! <3

            The first thing Lukas does when he gets off his flight is turn his phone back on. He scrolls through the notifications on the screen.

**So?? How was it??**

**Call me xoxo**

**I want to hear all about it.**

**Lukas?**

            Missed call. Philip Shea.

            Missed call. Philip Shea.

            Missed call. Philip Shea.

            “Crap,” Lukas mutters, but he can’t stop a slight smile from slipping onto his face. He dials Philip’s number and listens to the phone ring as he walks to baggage claim.

            Philip picks up quickly. “Lukas?”

            “Hey.” Lukas grabs his small suitcase and begins to walk outside.

            Philip is quiet for an uncomfortable amount of time, and for a minute Lukas thinks he’s hung up. “If I were with you right now,” Philip says slowly, his voice saturated with a mix of anger and relief, “I would kill you. Why didn’t you text me back or pick up your phone? Were you out with your friends or something? I thought something happened to you. I thought-“

            “Oh, god, no.” Lukas laughs. “Uh, just, bad reception or something.”

            “Don’t laugh; it’s not funny.”

            “You were really that worried?”

            Philip mutters something under his breath that Lukas can’t quite understand.

            “Hey, I’m sorry. Seriously,” Lukas says, his voice softer now.

            “It’s okay.” Lukas can hear his voice change as he smiles. “Tell me about the race now, okay? How’d it go?”

            Lukas smiles the brightest smile that he usually reserves for Philip and hopes his boyfriend can hear it through the phone. “Actually, can I call you back once I get to the hotel? I have, like, no service.”

            Philip sighs.

            He’s going to hate him before he even arrives to visit.

            “Ok. But you promise you’ll call back quickly?”

            “Of course. Go get a hot chocolate or something while you wait. Love you.”

            “Love you, too.”

            Lukas can hear the disappointment in Philip’s voice, and he’d feel a lot worse about it if this weren’t going to be the best surprise ever. He won’t get to visit for as long as he wants to, obviously, but to be honest, if he did, he’d probably end up staying forever.

            It’s just _so hard_ to say goodbye.

            Lukas hangs up the phone and calls the taxi company. The cab arrives fairly quickly, although Lukas spends the whole waiting time kicking anxiously at the concrete.

            He picks at the peeling leather on the seat of the taxi as he scrolls through the map on his phone. Once he gets to campus, he can just walk to the little café Philip likes and hope Philip is there.

            It’s just barely raining, and the tiny drops splash lightly against the windows. Lukas leans his head back against the seat and closes his eyes. He smiles thinking about the look Philip will have on his face when he sees him. It feels like it’s been _forever_ since they’ve seen each other in person.

            Everyone said being apart would get easier after a while. Maybe they lied to be nice, because it didn’t, not really. But, still, they’re in this together until they can actually _be_ together.

            The taxi stops, and Lukas pays the driver before stepping out into the light rain. Wandering around getting wet and dragging a suitcase through puddles is not exactly what he had planned, but he still can’t stop thinking about how this is the closest he’s been to Philip in _months_.

            Eventually he finds the café, and his heart practically leaps out of his chest when he sees Philip sitting by the window. There’s a steaming mug of hot chocolate (with a swirl of whipped cream on top, just how Philip likes it) sitting on the table in front of him. He’s holding his camera, taking pictures of the rain.

            It takes every ounce of Lukas’ self-control to not run over to him.

            He walks up behind him slowly, setting his bag down, and taps him on the shoulder. “Excuse me, do you mind if I sit with you?”

            Philip looks up, his eyes widening. “Oh my god. Oh my god, what are you doing here?” He sets his camera on the table and jumps up, burying his face in Lukas’ shirt and wrapping his arms around his neck.

            “Are you surprised?” Lukas grins.

            Philip smiles up at him. “Yes. _Yes_ , I’m surprised. How did you get here? What about your race?”

            Lukas slides his arms around Philip’s waist, lifting him slightly off his feet and pressing his lips to his forehead. “I got on a plane right after. You should’ve seen it, though. I did awesome, obviously. It was savage.”

            “Yeah? Oh my god, I still can’t believe you’re here.”

            Lukas stares at Philip, soaking up his smile and his warmth and the color of his eyes. “I missed you so much.”

Philip knots his fingers into Lukas’ rain-soaked hair and kisses him. “I missed you, too.”

Lukas sits down in Philip’s chair and pulls his boyfriend into his lap. He takes both of Philip’s hands.

Philip laughs, shifting slightly so he can rest his head on Lukas’ shoulder. “Whoa, have you noticed that we’re still, like, in public?”

            “Mmhm.”

It’s funny how “no one can know about us” can change into “I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

They talk nonstop for a while, each recounting every detail of their life that the other has missed.

            “How long can you stay for?” Philip asks softly.

            Lukas rubs circles into the back of his hand. “Just the weekend.”

            Philip presses his side against Lukas’ stomach, nuzzling his face into his shoulder. “I wish you could stay forever.”


	3. Chapter 3

            Philip pulls back the blankets and pats the side of his bed. “Come here.”

            Lukas runs one hand through his hair and pulls on a clean shirt. “Are we both going to fit in your tiny bed?” he teases, squeezing into the bed next to Philip.

            “Yeah, it’s… cozy.” Philip grabs Lukas’ hand and moves as close to him as possible, resting his head on his boyfriend’s chest. “Tell me something nice.”

            “I’m with you.”

            Philip grins. “I missed you so much.”

            “I missed you, too.”

            Philip looks up at Lukas, rubbing circles on the back of his hand. “Someday we’re going to get to be together every day,” he says sleepily, his heart skipping a beat when Lukas smiles.

            _God,_ he missed him.

            “Yeah? Is our bed going to be bigger or-“

            Philip reaches over and grabs a pillow, smacking Lukas in the face. “You want to sleep on the ground instead?”

            “Depends if you’re coming down there with me,” Lukas says, laughing.

            “I’m not leaving this bed until I absolutely have to.”

            “I guess I’ll just have to stay forever then. To keep you company.”

            “Go for it.” Philip buries his face in Lukas’ soft shirt, leaning in to his warmth. He listens to his heartbeat and the falling rain and sighs.

            “So, what are we doing this weekend?” Lukas asks, running his hand through Philip’s hair.

            Philip shifts slightly. The rain is coming down more heavily outside, pounding against the roof and windows. The tree outside bends back and forth in the wind. “I think we should go for a walk tomorrow morning.”

            “How romantic.”

            “Mmhm.”

            Lukas yawns, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. His hair falls into his face, and Philip brushes it back.

            “You should get some rest. I _know_ you didn’t sleep on the plane.” Philip frowns. “Have you still been having trouble sleeping?”

            “I won’t with you here.” Lukas takes Philip’s hand and laces their fingers together. He runs his thumb across Philip’s knuckles and closes his eyes. “Goodnight. Don’t fall out of the bed.”

            “I’ll try my best.”

 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

            The sun slants in through the window. Philip opens his eyes and stretches. Lukas is still asleep, pressed against his side. Philip leans into his warmth, resting his forehead on Lukas’ chest.

            Everything feels just as it should, as it always does when they’re together.

            Philip waits for Lukas to wake up before he crosses the room to the closet and changes out of his pajamas.

            Lukas rolls over. The sheets rustle. “Can you come back now?”

            “We can’t stay in bed _all_ day.”

            “Are you sure?”

            Philip sits on the edge of the bed, leaning down and pressing his lips to Lukas’ cheek.

            Lukas sighs, his breath tickling Philip’s neck.

            “C’mon, I’ll buy you a coffee.”

            A few minutes later the two are walking across campus, hand in hand. A brisk wind sweeps through the courtyard. Lukas tugs lightly at the scarf around Philip’s neck. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear a scarf.”

            “Yeah?”

            “It’s cute.”

            Philip blushes slightly. “Wow. You’re usually much less of a morning person.”

            “What are you talking about? I’m always this sweet,” Lukas says innocently, raising his eyebrows.

            “Sure… _after_ the coffee.”

            Lukas nudges Philip playfully with his shoulder. “ _Hey_ ,” he says, laughing and stumbling slightly. Both boys squeeze each other’s hands as they regain their balance.

            Philip opens the door to the café and leads Lukas inside. Warm air washes over him. The café isn’t busy quite yet, only a few students talking over open laptops at tables by the windows. He and Lukas order their drinks and sit across from each other at a table in the corner. Philip shakes his head slightly. “I’m still not sure if you’re actually here or if this is just a really, really good dream.”

            Lukas grins and reaches across the table to take Philip’s hands in his.

            They talk for a long time. Philip listens mostly, except when Lukas begs him to tell him something. He just likes listening to Lukas talk. He likes how happy he sounds. He likes that Lukas can’t wait to tell him everything that’s happened since they last saw each other.

            He listens attentively for a long time before his focus slips. Then he’s staring at the light bouncing off of Lukas’ hair and watching the way his eyes dart around the room, flicking up to the ceiling when he’s trying to remember something.

            They eventually finish their drinks and step back out into the cold, fingers laced tightly together.

            “Where to now?” Lukas asks.

            Philip takes him to the park. They lie in the grass under a tree and talk more. Philip’s sure they’ll never run out of things to say. Lukas could stay forever, and they’d never run out of things to say.

            “Let’s play that stupid game that you like.”

            “What game?” Philip asks. He opens his eyes slightly and squints at the sun filtering through the leaves above them. A white cloud floats by, drifting slowly with the breeze.

            Lukas smiles sheepishly, plucking a blade of grass out of the ground and brushing it against Philip’s hand.

            Philip takes the piece of grass, twisting it between his fingers, and rolls onto his side, staring at Lukas. “We can’t play a game if you don’t tell me what it is.”

            Lukas grins. “That cloud game.”

            Philip laughs. “Really? I thought you said that was ‘stupid,’” he teases.

            “It is.”

            Philip rolls onto his back again, looking up at the sky. “Fine. But you can’t-“

            “I found one. It looks like a-“

            “If you say dirt bike, I will kill you.”

            “I wasn’t gonna,” Lukas says indignantly.

            Philip rolls his eyes. “Sure, you weren’t.”

            They go back to the park in the evening, too, after spending the rest of the day wandering around campus and at the movies. Philip insists on going back to his room to get his camera first. To take pictures of the sunset, he says. What he really means is to take pictures of Lukas with the sunset in the background, but he’s endured enough teasing from his boyfriend in the past 24 hours to last maybe a week. (Realistically, it’ll only take him two days to miss it again).

            Philip sits down at the top of a small hill and pats the ground beside him.

            Lukas joins him, and Philip leans closer to him, pressing their shoulders together.

            The sun is dipping below the horizon, painting the sky a thousand different colors. He tilts his camera toward the clouds, the camera clicking with each shot. He turns his head to look over at Lukas, now stretched out in the grass with his hands behind his head. His eyes are closed, eyelashes fluttering slightly. “Smile,” Philip says, pointing the camera at him.

            Lukas grins without opening his eyes. “You probably have enough pictures of me to fill an entire photo album, Philip. Or a museum.”

            Philip rolls his eyes. He kneels next to Lukas and brushes his hair out of his face. “Ready to go home?” Philip pauses. “I mean, back to the dorm room.”

            “Yeah.” Lukas opens his eyes and rolls forward onto his feet, taking Philip’s hand.

            “It felt good to say that.”

            “What?”

            “Home.”

 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Philip sits on the end of his bed and looks out the window. The tree outside is blowing back and forth in the wind, its branches twisting in a violent dance.

            “Why do you look so gloomy?”

            Philip’s heart jumps. He looks over at Lukas, lying on the other side of the bed, and shoves a pillow into his face. “Jeez, I thought you were asleep! You scared me.” Philip sighs. “And I do not look gloomy.”

            Lukas throws the pillow back to Philip, who catches it and hugs it to his chest, resting his head on his knees. “Come here.”

            Philip leans back, resting his head on Lukas’ chest. He lets out a long breath and feels some of the tension in his chest release.

            Lukas stretches one arm out, feeling for Philip’s hand. He laces their fingers together and squeezes.

            Neither one of them wants to think about how Lukas will be getting on a plane in less than 24 hours.

            Philip presses his face into Lukas’ shirt, trying to memorize the way he smells, the way he breathes, the sound of his heartbeat.

            Lukas shifts suddenly, and Philip clings to the hem of his shirt.

            “Where are you going?” Philip asks, tugging on Lukas’ arm.

            “C’mon.” Lukas grins. “Get up.” He kicks the covers off and gets out of bed, throwing on a jacket.

            Philip groans, but he can’t help but smile. “Where are we going?”

            “Nearest source of ice cream?”

            “Seriously?” Philip climbs out of bed. “It’s, like, midnight.” He pulls a jacket off his desk chair, tugging the sleeves up over his hands.

            Lukas smiles again. He leads Philip out of the room and out into the courtyard. A breeze blows through the trees, flicking temperamentally at the branches.

            Philip shivers. “There’s a little convenience store over there.”

            Lukas wraps his arm around Philip’s shoulders. “Great.”

            It’s incredibly quiet in the store. Philip stifles a tired laugh. His shoes squeak on the tiled floor.

            Lukas buys each of them an ice cream bar. They stand under the awning outside, and he laces their fingers together.

            Philip pauses before taking the first bite of his ice cream, smiling. “Neither of us is going to be able to sleep. This is a bad idea,” he says, without really meaning it. Lukas has a way of making everything into a good idea.

            Another gust of wind sweeps by, and Lukas wraps Philip in a warm hug until he stops shivering.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super short whoops but there's more coming soon!

            It’s raining when they leave the dorm room in the morning.

            They eat breakfast in the café where they met the day Lukas arrived. Lukas kicks his bag under the table. Every once in a while his foot brushes against it, and he pushes it farther away.

            Nervous laughter punctuates every other sentence. Neither boy mentions the plane ticket sticking out of Lukas’ pocket or the suitcase shoved under the table. It’s better to just ignore it until the last possible moment.

            Philip’s hand brushes Lukas’ knee under the table. “You ok?” he asks, a gentle smile slanting across his face.

            “Yeah,” Lukas says. He tries to memorize Philip’s smile. He says something funny and then tries to memorize the sound of Philip’s laugh.  

            There’s a momentary lull in the conversation, a silence just long enough to allow the anxiety back into Lukas’ chest. He reaches for Philip’s hand.

            “So,” Philip begins, “one more fun thing before you go?”

 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

            “Can I open my eyes now?”

            “Almost.”

            Lukas stumbles on a clump of dirt and feels Philip’s grip on his arm tighten.

            “Sorry… hang on.”

            Lukas laughs. “Where are we? Are you taking me out into the wilderness?”

            “You’ll see.” Philip suddenly pauses, pulling Lukas to a stop beside him. “Ok. Open your eyes,” he says excitedly, squeezing Lukas’ hand. 

            Lukas opens his eyes. They’re standing in a field, long grass growing to the edge of the road. A dirt path snakes through the grass, and a red motorbike is standing on the path across from them.

            “Surprise! This field is just empty property, and my friend said I could use the bike for a day, so-“

            “Have I told you lately that you’re the best boyfriend ever?” Lukas wraps his arms around Philip’s waist, leaning down to kiss him.

            “Hmm… I don’t think so. You might want to say it again just in case,” Philip teases, smiling and reaching up to wrap his arms around Lukas’ neck.

            “You’re the best boyfriend ever.” Lukas pulls Philip towards the bike. “You ready?” There are two helmets resting against the front wheel, and Lukas picks them up, handing one to Philip. He pulls the other onto his head, brushing his hair out of his face, and climbs onto the bike.

            “Yeah. You?”

            Lukas feels the familiar pressure of Philip’s arms around his waist. He grins. “I’m always ready.”

            They drive down the dirt road, picking up speed as they cross the field.

            The air smells like grass and scattered dust, the wheels of the bike kicking up dirt. It’s thick air, day-after-rain air, and Lukas likes how the motorcycle cuts through it.

            They ride around the field for a while, before Lukas finally slows the bike to a stop. He removes his helmet and lets out a deep breath. “I’ve missed this.”

            Philip takes off his helmet, resting his chin on Lukas’ shoulder. “You get to do this almost every day.”

            Lukas smiles. “Not with you,” he says softly.

            Philip suddenly hops off the bike, tumbling into the grass and pulling Lukas down with him. He rests his head on Lukas’ chest, and Lukas wraps one arm around his shoulders. Philip sighs. “Do you really have to go?” He laughs at the end of the question, because obviously the only answer is yes, and Lukas wants so badly to say no.

            _No, I’ll stay here with you._

            Lukas pulls Philip closer, pressing their lips together. “I wish I didn’t.”

 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

            They arrive at the airport with plenty of time to spare. For some reason, this makes Lukas more stressed than rushing through security and up to the gate would have. He sort of wishes he were boarding in five minutes. No long goodbyes where he just can’t find the right words.

            Philip squeezes his hand as they walk through the doors. _Don’t let go yet._

Lukas’ bag bounces against his leg, a continual reminder of where he is and where he’s going.

            They stand in the wide room, inhaling the smell of worn out luggage and leather and coffee.

            Philip kicks at the ground, his shoes squeaking on the tiles of the floor. “Do you have to go yet?” he asks quietly.

            Lukas stares at him for a second, quietly deciding it’s his turn to be the one who holds it together, and shakes his head. “No, not yet. You ok?”

            Philip shrugs. He bites his lip and looks at the ground in the way that he does when he doesn’t want Lukas to ask him what’s wrong. “Sometimes I feel like I’m living off of facetime calls and late night text conversations. I hate it.”

            “I know. But it’s worth it, right?” Lukas tightens his grip on Philip’s hand. He can’t imagine letting go.

            Philip squeezes back. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.” He looks down. “It’s just so much easier to deal with… everything when we’re together.”

            “Hey.” Lukas tilts his head to look Philip in the eye. “We can do this.”

            Philip nods, biting the inside of his lip.

            “Don’t miss me too much, ok?” Lukas says, grinning. He glances over his shoulder before turning back to Philip and kissing him goodbye. “I love you.”


	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short, fluffy epilogue of sorts for you.

            Tiny raindrops are tapping against the window, barely visible through the half closed blinds. There’s nothing about the room that’s particularly remarkable, but Philip grins at the sight of it as he opens his eyes.

            The walls are white, and the floor is light brown wood. The street outside is noisy, and it’s cold, and based on his attempts last night, he’s almost 100% sure he’ll never get the heat to work. But it already feels like home. Less than a week, and it feels like home. It’s home because it’s _theirs_.

            Philip rolls over in bed, hugging a pillow to his chest. “Lukas?”

            “Yeah? I mean… wait… don’t come out here, ok?” Lukas calls back from outside the bedroom. His voice has that slightly panicky, out-of-breath-from-nervous-laughing sound to it that means he’s up to something. “And, uh, good morning.”

            Philip narrows his eyes. “What are you doing out there?”

            “Nothing, just… it’s a surprise, hang on.” The door opens slightly.

            Philip can just barely see Lukas through the sliver of space between the door and the doorframe. The bedroom is so small the door almost scrapes the corner of the bed as it opens. He’s holding something in his arms and he has this big goofy grin on his face like he’s just so pleased with himself. It’s contagious. “What is that? Breakfast? You’re the-“

            The… thing in Lukas’ arms suddenly squirms out of his grasp and catapults itself onto the bed, landing roughly on Philip’s legs and scrambling clumsily to its feet. “Oh my god. You got us a kitten?”

            Lukas’ grin widens- if that’s even possible. He bounces onto the bed like a kid. “Happy birthday! You really thought we could live in a pet-friendly apartment and not even try to take advantage of the full benefits? Don’t even try to tell me she isn’t cutest thing you’ve ever seen.” He scoops the orange kitten into his hands and deposits her onto Philip’s stomach.

            Philip laughs. “Oh my god. I can’t believe you did that. I mean, it’s _can_ , but…” He scratches the kitten behind her ear, and she purrs loudly. Then she jumps off the side of the bed and scurries underneath it. Philip sits up. “Well, that was some short-lived affection.”

            Lukas laughs. He ruffles Philip’s hair and kisses his cheek. “It’s so freaking cold in here.”

            Philip presses his face against Lukas’ shoulder. He rubs his cheek against his soft jacket.

            Lukas pulls back gently. “Now I’m actually going to make you breakfast. So stay warm.” He shrugs out of his jacket, wrapping it around Philip’s shoulders, and leaves the room, leaving the door open behind him. In the hallway, he throws a glance into the room over his shoulder, tilting his head slightly downward in an attempt to catch a glimpse of the cowering kitten.

            Philip gets up and follows a second later. They’ve managed to endure being miles and miles apart, but now that they’re this close being in separate rooms seems difficult.

            He stands in at the edge of the kitchen, watching Lukas struggle to find a pan. It’s raining hard outside now. The street outside is drenched with water, lights reflecting in puddles. The apartment should be grey and dreary, but somehow it seems bright. Philip has this silly thought that all the brightness in the room comes from Lukas, like he just emanates light. Radiant. His own personal sunshine.

            Philip walks up behind Lukas and rests his head on his shoulder as he cracks two eggs into the pan. The kitchen is so small that there’s barely room for both of them. Neither minds, though. They’re both still reveling in the closeness of it.

            “You realize I have no idea what I’m doing, right?” Lukas says.

            Philip laughs and hops up onto the counter. He swings his legs back and forth, letting his feet thump against the cabinets.

            “Do you-“

            “Shh.” Philip freezes. “Look, look.” His voice is a high pitched whisper. He points at the door to the bedroom, where a small orange shape is slipping into the hallway.

            Lukas looks over, turning away from the stove. An excited smile grows on his face. “Look, she wanted to come see us.”

            “I don’t know about that. I think, ‘She got bored sitting under the bed,’ is a more accurate statement.”

            Lukas shakes his head, turning back to the stove. He scoops the eggs onto plates and walks over to the bag of groceries, from which he produces an assortment of fruits. “No way. She loves us already.” He dumps a handful of berries on each plate and turns to take something out of the oven.

            Philip stares at the cat, frozen still in the doorway, until Lukas hands him a paper plate heaped with food. He smiles. “So, all that time at the grocery store, and-“

            “Don’t even mention the paper plate.”

            They sit on the couch. The couch is small, too. Everything about the apartment is small. It’s nice. An escape from the hugeness of the world.

            “So, this is officially the end of the first week in our new apartment.”

            Lukas nods. “Happy apartment-iversary.”

            Philip rolls his eyes. “I like it. I mean, we could be living in a cardboard box and I’d be happy just to be with you again, but… this is nice.”

            “Yeah.”

            There’s a soft meow, and Philip glances over to see the orange kitten. He reaches down and picks her up, setting her in between himself and Lukas. “We still have to name this cat.”

            “Mercedes.”

            “Like the-“

            “No, not like the car, like one of the fastest women in motocross in the 90s.”

            Philip laughs. “Oh, ok, excuse me.” He scratches the cat. “I like it. It’s cute.”

            Lukas smiles.

            Philip looks out the window, resting his head on Lukas’ shoulder. It’s dark outside, and inside it’s never been so bright.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thanks for reading this very cheesy story, and I hope you enjoyed it <3


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